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Monday, December 05, 2005

Confessions from an Unworthy Blogger

It's only my third post to this blog, and I've already missed my goal of once a week. I wish I could say life got in the way and I was preoccupied with other things. While that is partially true, the primary reason I didn't get here to post anything is because I've allowed my "funk" to take control, rather than surrendering to God and letting Him take the reins to help pull me out of the mire.

A few weeks ago, I shared about my struggle with writing and the disappointing message I'd received which sort of made me sit back and take stock in my writing. It's never easy to receive constructive criticism, and I have almost always been able to receive it in a graceful and grateful manner. But, when it's a direct hit on your writing, something very personal to you, it's not as easy. After some time spent in prayer, I realized where the problem really lay...I'm trying too hard.

This seems to be a recurring issue with me, and it is usually tied into a desire to please others first before pleasing God. I'm not saying I don't consider God and His plan or His will first; rather, I try to please others *while* I'm doing what I feel God has called me to do. Instead of following God's lead and doing or saying what He knows is best, I take it one step further and try to do what I believe others want to see or hear. The problem with that is it's draining on me and makes me spend too much time being concerned about the product. As a result, I get less accomplished and wind up stuck in the mire because I feel I've failed someone somehow.

Don't get me wrong. It's important to do your best for others, as you're reflecting God as well. However, when doing that causes you to shortchange yourself, it's time to rethink the focus.

So, I'm making it my goal between now and the end of the year to get my focus fine-tuned and my priorities in order. There are stories I feel firmly God wants me to tell, and I can't afford to let the devil stop me from telling them. There's other ways where the talents God's given me need to be used to serve others, and I need to use them. I pray for the strength from God to make all this happen.

And for anyone who's reading this blog, thanks for your support. If you're so led, help keep me in line. Accountability is important, and I don't have anyone locally here to do that.

1 comment:

Robin Caroll said...

Here's a swift kick in the behind for you from me....

GET TO WRITING! WORK, WOMAN, WORK!

Now, back to wallowing in my own self-pity! LOL