Fresh New Year, Fresh New Start

All right, I'm back. Yes, I know it's been about a month since I last posted anything to this blog, and I've received the nagging remarks and kicks in the pants from some of you asking if I was going to blog again. Well, I'm here, and I'm going to try once again to share thoughts on a more frequent basis. With looming deadlines and a long list of tasks on my "to do" list, I won't set a frequency at this point and time. However, I will promise to make regular visits here.

Not that anyone really reads these things, but I know it'll do my own soul and spirit some good to document these random streams of conscious. In fact, I've come to realize that those who successfully document these running commentaries of their thoughts tend to be better writers. Because you get inside your own head (scary thought!) you have the ability to get inside the heads of your characters when they're experiencing a variety of situations and document their thought process in response or reaction to the events taking place.

It's one thing I've noticed in my own writing when I've gone back to make edits or received the crits back from those who have critiqued my work. Quite often, I get comments left that encourage me to include more internal thought as opposed to description. Although my ability to describe places and settings isn't strong, I do tend to lean more toward the action descriptions as "fillers" for the narrative. If I spent more time delving into the world of internal thought rather than ignoring it or pushing it aside, I truly believe my writing would improve.

It's our thoughts that push us forward or hold us back. They enable us or disable us. And God often speaks to us through them. But if we're moving too fast or involved in too many things to hear that voice inside our head (and not all those other voices writers are famous for hearing! ), we might miss out on important instruction or direction that could result in our taking the wrong path and veering off course.

I've found that it's happened with me lately. There have been times when I've pumped out the chapters and been 'in the zone' so to speak, but there have also been times when my writing tends to drag or feel like pulling teeth to get anything on the paper. When I've gone back to analyze my personal life, I see a direct parallel to how busy I've allowed myself to get and how stressed with things that really aren't of much importance in the long run. Prioritizing and scheduling for me are the only ways I can reach my goals.

Then, there's the matter of being conviced through my daily devotions. Yesterday's, for example, was about taking time to rest in God and not allowing the busyness of life to distract you. I'm drawn to being busy. It makes me feel important. It keeps the adrenaline pumping. It means I don't have to look too closely at my heart. It keeps me from feeling lonely.

Because of some experiences in my life where my self-esteem has taken a real low hit, I tend to blow through life, staying busy and active and not allowing enough time to rest and reflect. I'd rather be doing something than giving rise to my internal thoughts in reaction to a situation I'm experiencing. Because if I give in to my thoughts, I'd have to face the ugly realities of my insignificance or wrong decisions I've made in life. Or I'd end up confessing the deep down pain that exists and that I don't want to share with anyone else. And that's not healthy.

Keeping busy doesn't make those thoughts go away. It only shoves them under the rug until the time comes when the rug gets taken out to be beaten free of the dust. And the thoughts I've shoved aside are there, waiting for me. Facing them will start the path of healing and free me to pursue my goals and dreams as I truly want to do. So, I've made a commitment to myself and to God to stop running away from those thoughts and to face them instead of bury them. To start journaling here and reflecting on a regular basis.

As my devotional said, the danger isn't that I'll lose my faith or my identity; rather, it's that I'll become too distracted by lesser things that I'll settle for a mediocre version of it. I don't want that to happen. I'd rather live an abundantly blessed life, full of the richness and beauty God promises. But, I can't do that if I run away.

And now, I have some writing to do. *g*